Bullying Never Ages
September 29, 2011
I am full of rage and tired of hearing the same story time and time again. This morning I woke up to read about the bullying of Jamey Rodmeyer in my hometown of Williamsville, NY. I went on to read Liza's account of bullying while at Transit Middle on her blog post titled Williamsville, You aren't Better than Anywhere Else, and I am frustrated. After all of these years, nothing has changed.
The same thing happened to me many years ago while at Casey Middle School in the early 80's. I was bullied every day at school. It started with one person and grew from there. I admit I was painfully shy and easy to pick on. I was called "Dino the Dog" and barked at in the hallways when I walked from one room to another. I was given a dog collar for my birthday. The bullying ended only when I had the courage to fight back. I fought with my fists and whether that was right or wrong, it was the only thing that worked. My parents went to the school and spoke to the parents of the kids that bullied me, but nothing happened. I was alone and afraid. I don't know what made me survive. I can't tell you the amount of times I thought about committing suicide or hurting the ones that made me cry. I made it through, just like so many young teens continue to make it through bullying every day. I had a great experience in high school, but what happens to kids when the bullying doesn't end? Why do we, as a society, continue to let this happen? Is there nothing we can do? I know I was geeky and weird and strange during Middle School, who isn't? Did I deserve to be tormented more than the kids sitting next to me? No one deserves this kind of treatment, no matter what the cause, yet we continue to allow it to happen every day in our schools.
How do we change this constant battle in our schools? I am an educator in a Middle School and I still don't have all the answers. But this hurting has to stop. I am currently working with the guidance counselors in my school to help inform our parents about digital citizenship and cyberbullying. I am working with the head of our Humanities department to look at ways we can incorporate some of these same ideals into our social studies curriculum. But at the end of the day, the bullying will continue. It happens everywhere Williamsville. You are not alone, but that doesn't make it alright.
But the key is, bullying is NEVER OK.
The reason doesn't make it OK.
The place doesn't make it OK.
The circumstance doesn't make it OK.
. . . Parents make it OK.
Parents are the number one resource for stopping this behavior. If you see it in your home, CHANGE it. I have three children and they are far from perfect. But this is an issue that we talk about constantly. Not because I was bullied. Because it is my job as a parent is to constantly remind my kids the difference between right and wrong. Why do parents always need to be reminded of this fact? When I was growing up, my parents constantly reminded me of our family values. I continue to do the same to my children. Where are the parents of these kids that were chanting at the Homecoming game? Have they seen the same videos I have that are all over the news? Are they having these conversations with their children? The blame does not only lie in the shadows of the school, but a light needs to be shed on the lack of values we are instilling in our children.
I want my children to see that being different is OK and that the people who are different change the world. They are the people you want to surround yourself with and reach out to. The people who are different help you learn, inspire you to grow, and open up a world of possibilities you never knew existed. Why do we continue to live in a world where we are so afraid of people who are not like us? I am saddened that nothing has changed since 1981. I watched the superintendent talk on WGRZ news about Jamey's death. I know he has to say what the lawyers have told him to say to protect the district, but where is the outrage? Where is the saddness? I don't have any answers, just the same frustrations that I felt over 30 years ago - hopelessness. What will it take for this endless cycle of hurt to stop? My heart is with Tracy and Tim Rodemeyer. They are right. The issue of bullying is not getting any better.
The same thing happened to me many years ago while at Casey Middle School in the early 80's. I was bullied every day at school. It started with one person and grew from there. I admit I was painfully shy and easy to pick on. I was called "Dino the Dog" and barked at in the hallways when I walked from one room to another. I was given a dog collar for my birthday. The bullying ended only when I had the courage to fight back. I fought with my fists and whether that was right or wrong, it was the only thing that worked. My parents went to the school and spoke to the parents of the kids that bullied me, but nothing happened. I was alone and afraid. I don't know what made me survive. I can't tell you the amount of times I thought about committing suicide or hurting the ones that made me cry. I made it through, just like so many young teens continue to make it through bullying every day. I had a great experience in high school, but what happens to kids when the bullying doesn't end? Why do we, as a society, continue to let this happen? Is there nothing we can do? I know I was geeky and weird and strange during Middle School, who isn't? Did I deserve to be tormented more than the kids sitting next to me? No one deserves this kind of treatment, no matter what the cause, yet we continue to allow it to happen every day in our schools.
How do we change this constant battle in our schools? I am an educator in a Middle School and I still don't have all the answers. But this hurting has to stop. I am currently working with the guidance counselors in my school to help inform our parents about digital citizenship and cyberbullying. I am working with the head of our Humanities department to look at ways we can incorporate some of these same ideals into our social studies curriculum. But at the end of the day, the bullying will continue. It happens everywhere Williamsville. You are not alone, but that doesn't make it alright.
But the key is, bullying is NEVER OK.
The reason doesn't make it OK.
The place doesn't make it OK.
The circumstance doesn't make it OK.
. . . Parents make it OK.
Parents are the number one resource for stopping this behavior. If you see it in your home, CHANGE it. I have three children and they are far from perfect. But this is an issue that we talk about constantly. Not because I was bullied. Because it is my job as a parent is to constantly remind my kids the difference between right and wrong. Why do parents always need to be reminded of this fact? When I was growing up, my parents constantly reminded me of our family values. I continue to do the same to my children. Where are the parents of these kids that were chanting at the Homecoming game? Have they seen the same videos I have that are all over the news? Are they having these conversations with their children? The blame does not only lie in the shadows of the school, but a light needs to be shed on the lack of values we are instilling in our children.
I want my children to see that being different is OK and that the people who are different change the world. They are the people you want to surround yourself with and reach out to. The people who are different help you learn, inspire you to grow, and open up a world of possibilities you never knew existed. Why do we continue to live in a world where we are so afraid of people who are not like us? I am saddened that nothing has changed since 1981. I watched the superintendent talk on WGRZ news about Jamey's death. I know he has to say what the lawyers have told him to say to protect the district, but where is the outrage? Where is the saddness? I don't have any answers, just the same frustrations that I felt over 30 years ago - hopelessness. What will it take for this endless cycle of hurt to stop? My heart is with Tracy and Tim Rodemeyer. They are right. The issue of bullying is not getting any better.
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2 comments:
Hi Dana,
"I want my children to see that being different is OK and that the people who are different change the world. They are the people you want to surround yourself with and reach out to. The people who are different help you learn, inspire you to grow, and open up a world of possibilities you never knew existed."
I am touched and inspired by your words. I so want my own children to learn this message.
Whenever I read about bullying I am always left with a question about schools. Do we, in creating conformity, breed these bullying environments? I hope not, but I do worry. Each day I try to teach my students that each person has a story and it's our job to listen.
Thank you for sharing,
#youmatter
@#you matter "Each day I try to teach my students that each person has a story and it's our job to listen." those words are just as inspiring. Thank you. It is our job to listen and I am afraid that is where society failed Jamey. He had a story to tell, but we listened too late. How can we help schools change this?
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